Wow, well I took a bit of a break from blogging, looked up at the clock and realized it had been almost a year, good work procrastination. It's crazy to think how since the time I last posted, fall out boy has made a comeback, two of my favorite bands, Thrice and Underoath have gone the way of the dinosaurs, we've elected a president (yet again), I have somehow managed to turn 26 (against my best efforts), and most importantly am approaching the final stretch of my master's program (and a bunch of other stuff that is has happened but this is a blog not a scrapbook...that's pintrest). With all that is serious going on in my life right now, job prospects, following leads, and other adulty and responsible-like things, I sometimes just need a second to be a kid again, and an unbearably lame joke maker (thank you Gina for dealing with my child I have locked inside of me for these occassions, it's not easy, I know).
Speaking of children...there are days I feel like I have no honest idea how to talk or communicate with one of "them" which is entirely confusing as 15-20 years ago I was one: dirty hands and wide eyed. How does one forget how to truly be a kid and think like a kid (I think my heart really is dying). There have been times in working with kid clients I have felt as though I was studying some strange new life form that spoke jibberish and was entirely illogical (all true characterisitics, however). As we grow closer and closer to starting our family, I always wonder what in the world I have to offer a little Meeks with tiny toes and fingers...and later, emotions and feelings and stuff (sigh, already exhausted thinking about it). With that time coming sooner and sooner I wanted to discuss many parents fears..."Am I going to mess this kid up?" The answer is YES!(DISCLAIMER, I am not a parent, and am presenting my ideas and insights, and not pretending to be a parenting guru of some sort)... We are all incredibly broken messed up people ( I know this, because I am one too). The good news is that asking if you will mess your kid up is the wrong approach, the correct thought is how MUCH will I mess my kid up (unfortunately there is not an App for that measurement, c'mon Apple). Under the best intentions and attempts to find the best parenting style and make your kid a superstar (and making sure everyone knows it) you can't escape being human who has biases, challenges and well baggage from our own youth (thanks mom and dad). No matter how much we try and try to avoid any mistake or any misstep as a parent and making sure our kids feel loved every second of everyday, you are going to make a mistake and going to misstep at somepoint, it's all apart of the experience. This isn't to say you shouldn't do your own work as a person and find out your woundings and pains from your own parents (we all have them whether you want to admit it or not). I have been in counseling for these issues and have done counseling with others for them, and I guarantee you I will still make my kids have their own personalized issues. This isn't to say that it is ok to make bad parenting decisions or avoid making good choices for your kids, but know consciously or unconsciously you will have a few chinks in your parenting armor you can't be perfect parents, because we aren't perfect people (The perfectionists reading this can breathe easy now). I know lots of parents who are great and amazing parents to their kids and due to their child's temperment and personality and just random events, are a challenge and they are left wondering what did I do wrong as a parent? What could I have done better? What else could I have done? Ultimately, is this my fault? The answer is No (for the most part). You love too much and hold them too close and they resent having lived in a bubble and resent how much you loved them. You try to teach them your loves and your values and they feel like they never got to think for themselves. I could go on and on, with ways I've heard kids resent the very good and healthy ways parents have raised and loved their kids. This is the nature of parenting, avoiding pain or mistakes is a catch 22, because even in trying to avoid it, you cause it still.
However, in someways it's truly empowering as we get to (if we desire) to choose the specific way we will mess up our kid(s). At the end of the day I am a counselor so I know at least know he or she will always have the proper referrals if needed. Closing thoughts, parents don't fear, your kid will grow up and feel like there was someway you failed them and did not meet their needs...that's OK and is quite normal. If you didn't have a kid who had his own scaring and wounding he wouldn't find the need for a savior to fill those holes, Jesus is great like that. At the end of the day, your child's struggles are not a direct correlation of your failures as a parent they are the somewhat natural process of passing down the baggage.
